A Spoonful Weighs a Ton

"Those who make the worst use of their time are
the first to complain of its brevity"

- Le Bruyere, Characters

So.

Three months haven't passed, and I'm blogging again. God forbid this ever come a regular thing, that would be like...a real blog!

I know!

I KNOW!

Honestly I really do have a purpose.

A couple of oddly interesting things happened this past week. Firstly, I seemed to actually communicate with a certain individual *ahem* mark *ahemcoughhack* whom I just never seem to be able to communicate with these days. Letters would fly between the wires, questions asked, but rarely answered. But without asking, I received a wonderous response, making me look forward to fall a little bit more and really cut back financially wherever I can. All it took was a little give on my part. Well a lot of reflection, and a give in attempting to control the uncontrollable. It seems to go without saying I'm as stubborn as three day old baguettes.

Really though, I think I'm ready to go back to that place there. Unlike the thrusting reentry into the USA, I have ideas. I have hope for something else than what is turning into the mundane and ritual. We'll see. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket or something quirky and not really insiteful like that, right?

I'm oddly enjoying writing a little bit more, and I've found it and other things to be oddly calming. So I decided to change my blog a bit. Template number four for this budding blossom of a bloggity nook, and finally a picture (albeit the absolute worst I could find) to go along with all nine of the languages you might be able to read my blog in. My writing looks pretty in Korean!

I haven't a clue if it actually makes any sense but sure, play with the buttons in the upper right corner and have a ball.

Working on a few things here personally though. One of which was really being able to ask questions of people without seeing them. Not one who readily flung their lives into a mad phone text flurry the minute they hit the market; I am a hiding texter. I lurked and hovered. Adding to that---the person I was on IM was a completely different person than who I really was in person. The merging of the two created an overliterate long-winded gobble. I was trying hard to ask questions with weight without making it seem like these are little blippy boxes on a screen. Yet recently It's just been different. I realized I can't change the world with the text message; more likely that I can't make someone like me either. It can really be great to hear real news from people though.

Acceptance of this was an attempt to throw away surface conversation, but without it how would I be able to be the chatty barista I've caught myself being recently?

I guess it helps to not be in control all the time, and just let things flow. Now about that whole authority issue...we'll get to that soon!

Random bit. I watch Grey's Anatomy religiously by the way, and am continually impressed with the filming production on that show. That pass in the hall between Denny and Izzy was amazingly shot and really captured the emotion. I was slightly less impressed with this recent arc, although it was nicely cut into chunks to keep drawing me in and almost caring about Meredith. It helps that she finally slapped off her wishy wash attitude and confronted her mother. So dark, so twisty.

I Turn My Camera On

Sometimes things just have to come down

“What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing;
it also depends on what kind of a person you are”
- C.S. Lewis

Truth be told. I've been thinking...

...and you all know what happens when I THINK.

There are few things in this world that truly get me going. By nature I am as lazy a being as one could expect from a twenty something aimless undergrad; by nature I have no motive. Which is for the longest time I thought was true. Then presented before my eyes were millisecond long blips of hope.

Simply Ideas. In and out with barely a spark of reflection. Almost as if something, somewhere was trying to just tell me something; usually something I know, have always known, and just really needed a nudge in some direction. So one day at a time, I try to fight nature. I thought I couldn't get a job, I got a job. I thought I couldn't get up in the morning to work those five o'clock opens, I haven't missed one yet. For some unknown reason though, when it comes to seeing the light in any given situation---I seem to only see it in everyone else. I don't expect anything from me. Keep with me, I do have a point.

So what do I do when I find something a little maddeningly enjoyable. I think I can't keep up. I make excuse after excuse. And then not surprisingly, I fall behind. It's my vicious cycle of life self destruction, and this unusually selective warpath knows right where to hit me. Despite this, I'm going to give some things I left behind another chance. Heck I even looked things up in the BIBLE!

"But I have raised you up ^[a] for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. "

Exodus 9:16

So yeah. I still have a point.

This past may I bought a camera.

Now I had almost all but given up on art but I felt the need for a creative output. My photos started off crappy, and I didn't really have much faith in them. This camera is my first real camera. I picked it out and I bought. Since then, I tried a little harder. Now they are just a little bit less crappy. Who knows! Maybe in the future I would consider them subpar (as I am my own worse critic). The point being when I turn my camera on, something in me is slowly changing for a positive direction. The photos that go along with every entry were always taken by me. Crappy or not, I couldn't bare to use someone else's work alongside my dribble, changing their intention---so I had to take action. If I can't use something I get, then something had to be created. I even urge you to take a look. It's been a slow learning process, but it's an awe-inspiring revelation when it something just clicks---quite literally.

Recently though, it seems just a pleasure to learn about anything. I still want to know when I do a good job. I want to know how to take that compliment, but more importantly I want to know when I don't. I want those failures, and missed chances. They are becoming less of a burden and more of a repurposed force. I was directed back to a church that I felt slightly burned on. Big, showy, flashing lights, and overinflated egos preaching to hundreds of hormonal teen christianese shells. Well since I've been gone, the old pastor has moved on. They have a few less lights, and a few less bodies...but they seem to want that connection now. It's like maybe the spirit is coming back to them after they turned off some of those shiny bright lights. Horrid, Blasphemous, insect comparisons aside---I think I can understand them a little now. I even went so far as to join a life group.

Now if only we could do something constructive, despite how fun monopoly and Wii Sports can be in a group setting.

One day at a time, right?

Word of the Moment.

Repurpose (re-pur'pes)tr.v.
re·pur·posed, re·pur·pos·ing, re·pur·pos·es To use or convert for use in another format or product: repurposed the book as a compact disk

That Was the Worst Christmas Ever! - Part II

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

-Robert McCloskey

I distinctly remember baking and rushing my last batch of christmas cookies, god knows they tasted awful.

Somewhere someone told me that with anything you create, your emotions can determine the outcome; this was the case. Somehow I managed to make them wrong (normally taking ten minutes they took 30 just to set up). Internally I was thinking of just going out on a good note, but in reality I was just trying to stretch my time and stay there---just squeezing in that last ounce of the atmosphere I was about to leave behind. I just wanted to stay.

The ride to the airport was quiet, on my front at least, but everyone else seemed to have something to say. They had their questions, stifled with an unabashedly akward silence. All the while I was just trying to hold back from crying, something I had done quite the fair share of in the few days I had between the announcement I wasn't ready to attend out reach and the flight date home. We said our goodbyes, and like most good Christian people we hugged. Out of All of the hugs in my life, those hugs lasted just a little bit longer than usual; as if to say: ‘I’m sorry’, ‘Don’t give up’, and a thousand other forms of what is the one-two punch of guilt and regret.

I remember when they first told me that I was not going to go. I looked like a patient about to be forced into a psych ward---minus the straight-jacket. Flailing aimlessly, angrily screeching; something in me was dying...and then I crashed. I couldn’t handle them telling me that, and I was digressing into my most basic animal instincts. I was fighting it both inside and out, feeling as if an unbearable poison was forcing its way through my veins, paralyzing all rational thought. Over the next few days I mellowed, or more so I was tranquilized by irrational fear.

I was going home a failure, a then incomplete mess. Standing in front of me was the daunting fact that everything, and I mean everything I had planned for in the next months was going by the wayside. I was returning to Ohio---but I wasn’t supposed to be back yet. I was seeing my family---who weren’t expecting me until March. I was turning twenty and thrust into “Happy Holidays” mode, but I honestly wasn’t happy. I was pushed back into my life, my reality, questioning everything that had happened in the previous months. I was home. The sad part though is really just how hard people tried to make me happy. It was like trying to warm over a slab of marble. Something in me had felt like it died, and I was regressing into the stages of grief; or maybe it was a good grief I just don’t know.

"This is what I'm thinking, this is my point."

When I got home, when I decided I wanted to be a little better than I was last year, I took off like a rocket. This past year had a definite direction to it. Despite being severely depressed for a majority of it I was a force of movement. A week into it I had a job, that same week I had two, and then I just took off. I wanted something and I wanted control over it. There were times this past year where I was ridiculously angry. I tried not once but twice to retry a discipleship training school. People would say they were proud of me, but I knew that it wasn’t my time yet. The first time was in October, I had hoped and prayed for a school, finally finding one that just screamed me. It was in Montreal, and I was enchanted by the idea of attending a working internship of a school. It was my first big rejection in a while, but they where honest---they felt they couldn't help me. So I talked to Mark, which took forever. Only to hear from Hilary in a Newsletter the school I wanted to attend was canceled. I almost applied to another school, they actually called me three times, but I didn't go. Looking at my situation left me a little troubled differencing reality and determination, holding on to an archaic tendency to move in that fixed direction. Something about the fixation to leave a town combined with the impatience of being stuck in a town really throws you.

It’s weird looking back at mistakes made, because initially I would have just dwelled on not being able to correct them---but now? Now I have this innate want to hold onto my mistakes, to actually…learn from them. I know now that I want to learn, I desire to learn. That’s probably the healthiest habit I’ve ever picked up in my life. So as the one year mark came around I was feeling just a little bit of a failure. I was finishing up a semester, and slightly worried of failing. I was at one job for the longest period I’ve ever been in my life, and slightly worried of being fired. Was anything really wrong? No! Nothing big, I just didn’t want to be at this point at this time. I wanted things to work out slightly differently. I was quite literrally worried because I really had nothing to worry about, go figure.

So I procrastinated a little...then a little more...then a lot until today really.

So what has happened since---November?

I went on vacation, a real honest to god vacation with beaches, gelato and everything! It wasn't quite wonderful, but it was something. Especially our last meal---easily the most gourmet meal I ever had (and I picked it). I learned a bit about Gullah. I've watched fifty Korean movies (eight Japaneses, two chinese and one soap opera too). I survived the three month mark at my job, and now the six month mark. This is a landmark of commitment. I stayed home...so far. I catered the deserts for my work Christmas party. I went to North Carolina, and realized Durham has a street that looks like Commercial Drive. I saw my family again, they're all a little older---yet exactly the same. Christmas came, Christmas went, and then I turned twenty-one. Heck I went out and bought a SINGLE beer. It was bitey, with hints of coffee and the color of Guinness. I passed with a B, and signed up for two more classes. I realized I liked photos, and even started a page for them. I watched an entire movie in a theater without talking, and with smuggled cheesecake. I made Sugar cookies from scratch; gingersnaps too. I also chased seagulls.

So here I am. A little over one year later, a little bit older, and not so much the wiser but all the more eager to try a little more. What have I learned...well. God is slow. Painfully slow. In perfect conjuction, I'm obnoxiously impatient.

So he continues to push my patience just a little bit more. Maybe I'll see some of you in September?

That was the worst christmas ever!

All at Once

So. This Picture has nothing to do with the post, but I refuse to waste it, now...

I really want to be selfish. It's true, I really want to be mean and spiteful and full of hate, anger; I could go so EMO right now it's not even funny. Unfortunately though, in this situation It just wouldn't be right.

So this post is about my sister, first a congratulations, because she is getting married. I really hope that my sister respects me and doesn't read this because despite the fact I know where her blog is, I won't read it. It's something personal, and a side of my sister that isn't for me to see. Knowing this, you have to know that despite me not reading the rough equivalent of her open paged journal, I still do know something. I know when she has trouble, I can tell. I know when she feels ganged up on, and when people think everyone is against her. I know everyone of her little ticks she does when she's aggravated and I can call it to the second when she'll break down.

Truth is her and me are both painfully alike in that aspect. We each have different insecurities, we both had different problems growing up, but we are both very visual. Creatively and annoyingly we tell our problems before people can even ask. We tell it by our pained expressions, our upset looks, our posture, our silence. Who needs words with all of this glaring you smack in the face. The worst part though is that when it comes to confrontations, we have somehow managed to be opposite types. If someone really does bother me, I will go up to their face at any point and tell them the best way I can that they need to do something about it. My sister, when she's mad she goes away. She retreats until she knows what she wants to say. I process things aloud, sometimes while walking around. She processes things internally. Now---put these two in a room and let them disagree---GO! Many of our friends can attest to this monstrous and immature display.

Despite our fighting sometimes we still can't really understand each other. Currently this is the situation.

My sister is getting married. My sister is getting married! You have no idea how happy I am for her; despite this though I have a predicament. I don't think my sister is quite ready personally to join with another in holy matrimony. She knows she has issues, but I just don't know if she's open to seeing them all. Her roommates can seem them, her family can see them, but why is she is blatantly unaware. When I look at how her and Mike get along I trust they want god to be a big part of their relationship, but I also think that they're strong emotional attraction has but a bias on their views of each other. I know I seem skeptical. Maybe that's another big character flaw on my part, or maybe I'm just being a brother. I just had to ask myself, Is this the best thing for her at this time, or will she need more time?

Bring in more to this equation my sister has set the date for her wedding in March. When she is married she will know her fiance Mike for one whole year. One whole year. What do I know really, what experience do I have in dating and relationships? The real answer is none, which further adds to a malicious motive some may skew me towards. Truth is by my sister having a wedding it further puts me in a financial straight shot situation of not knowing what to do. I want to go to a school in January. I need my parents to help me with that. Key Words: I want. What I want doesn't really matter at this point, except for the fact that I want my sister to be happy.

" 9known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 2 Corinthians 6:3-10 (NIV)

This is phrasing that was quoted through somewhere, I'm not sure where, but I remembered it involved patience. I remember that it talks about dying, where at times it's honestly what I felt was happening to me. I could relate to that feeling of dying, of part of you thoroughly wasting away with every heaving step. Yet we live on. It seems I've been saying I'm sorry a lot lately. Now though, I need to say again...but to god. I keep telling myself that I'm ready. I keep telling people around me that I have changed and grown enough that I can do this again. I keep remembering things that made me so sad to see, like when I was in Manitoba. I was so sad to be there and not have that connection everyone else had. I was jealous they had the freedom to move on while I had still more work to do. I was jealous of a connection I lacked amongst them. At the very same time I was ridiculously happy, I saw them moving on with their lives and I saw that they were affected. It's frakking beautiful. However there is nothing I can particularly do now except hold on and wait. I love god, but dang him for making me wait.

It better be worth it.

So. Back to my sister to end this annoyingly hovering and long long entry full of depressing typed diarhea spewed on to the page. My struggle with her is that, I wish I could be more happy for her. So to do that, I'll pretty much have to wait a little longer for my stuff to happen, at least until god tells me something else. I want her to have the best wedding she can, because you only do get one...if you do it right and make it count. So my parents shouldn't have to worry about my school and the wedding at the same time. It's annoyingly easier, which makes it harder for me to do.

Now. Someone please, knit me a sweater, it's COLD.

"Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!" 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (the Message)

Food Makes All Apologies a Little Bit Easier...

It should be known that for any sort of apology one must present an offering of sincerity...which is usually food. In all honesty I couldn't think of a sweeter (pun intended) way of saying.

I'm sorry.

Might I also add I'm new in hopes that I can salvage my grand audience of two?

How about an explanation. I've been blinded by Wedding Bells, and my sister has decided to get married---in five months! God Bless Her! Now I congratulate her for this great step forward in life, but at the same time this caused me to shrink back and realize I really don't have much in my bank account. So I was faced with one of those whats-a-ma-call-it "life choices" and regressed to my ignore my blogging ways. Really, It was wonderful almost to not cook for three whole weeks. Then I realized I really really wanted to cook, because cooking is for lack of a better word, therapeutic. What was missed was a Chili with too much spice and Muffins that while sweet and lasted a whole day unfortunately were so complicated it made me scream. In other words true failures that I just wasn't ready to admit too. Am I in denial? Probably...I mean, yes, but that doesn't give me any excuse. In fact I make a lot of failures but every once in a while I hit a streak of pure gold. It just so happens that recently that streak of gold was from the flesh of some sort of slow-roasted vegetable. So enough with the sincerities and time for the real presents!
I don't know why, but this time of year...I am obsessed with squash. Maybe it's just us Americans or an obscure diet staple of upper midwest americas or what, but anywhere you go this time of year you will see a variety of fall-hued stemmed monstrosities. Children Carry around Plastic versions of the more popular ones, while our grocery aisles suddenly have endcap aisles devoted to Libby's Moneymaker. Our Coffee Shops create drinks devoted to them, our bakeries thrown them in cheesecakes and muffins and cookies, oh my! You cannot go anywhere without running into them, that's because any grower knows that when they really go to fruition they breed like happy bunnies and gerbils.

So I present a gift, orange and sweet and studded with crunchy pecans, this is loaf that is it's simplest form, frakking awesome! The best part is that it is from an old Cooking Light so it's almost good for you...well, admittedly eating a whole loaf in one sitting won't help your wasteline. I'd like to note I really couldn't bring myself to add water to a loaf recipe when you can really add something more flavorful, after a try I opted to add buttermilk to balance the flavor. (Which for a quarter cup it adds about 30 calories to the whole loaf and very little fat...which I should really look up)

I hope in the future after a stunning amount of butter consumption in preparing my first recipe I can actually slim down in the future. Think of this as a positive step in the right direction, a new effort, a season resolution so to speak.

AND Maybe...just maybe I'll figure out how to use my gorram camera some day too.

Pumpkin Cranberry Loaf (Adapted from Cooking Light - November 1995)

2 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
(or Sub 3/4 tsp Ginger, 1/2 tsp Cinnamon,
1/4 tsp nutmeg, and 1/8 tsp cloves)
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/4 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 egg whites, lightly beaten
3/4 cup coarsely chopped cranberries

1/2 cup chopped pecans

Vegetable cooking spray
5 x 9 Loaf Pan
Wheat Germ or Flour for Dusting

Preheat your Oven to 350 Fahrenheit, (someday I will look up Celcius, but until then remember I am american and we all run on the "our system is the way" measuring system) and spray and dust your pan with whatever your choice of dusting items and fat. I use good old Canola Oil Cooking Spray. I spray the bottom, then add a fitted piece of parchment paper followed by more spraying along he sides. I usually dust with wheat germ, just because I think it really marries well with muffins and loafs (and my mother told me too), again I say use whatever you normally do.

Now, before you really do anything else, seperate the three eggs and leave the whites in a medium size bowl for later. Now Measure and Whisk Together all of the spices, the baking powder, salt, flour and sugars in a large bowl until combined. Now stop and clean up before you go any further because if you're like me---you just don't want to do this later. Now back to those egg whites; whisk them until right before they form those soft peaks; you want a thickness but not a meringue. Now fold in the pumpkin (or butternut puree if you're feeling bored yet adventerous), buttermilk, oil, and vanilla extract. Create a well in the middle the dry ingredients and add the wet to that well and fold lightly. Now just after the dry really starts to marry to the wet (but while there are still large streaks of flour) throw the cranberries into the fold. There should still be large some streams of flour when you decide to walk away. Just walk away. Let this baby rest and clean up any residual messes amongst your kitchen.

Spread the batter into that already coated 9 x 5-inch loaf pan, gently. Sprinkle the Pecans Evenly over the top and using whatever you used to spread the batter to just gently tuck in the pecans. Bake at 350° for 54 - 58 Minutes depending on your oven, I typically take it out just a little bit early. Let it cool in the pan for 15 minutes on a wire rack; remove from the pan, and let cool almost completely on wire rack before slicing. Resist the Temptation to eat it all the minute it comes out, a burnt mouth really ruins the experience, and that added in-pan cooking time seems to help it set.

Each Slice depending on the size from a twelve piece loaf will have around 225 calories, and about 6 grams of fat. Mostly Good fat, and there is nothing better than good fat.

Yield: 12-16 servings (serving size: 1 slice)

Handle With Care

"Why Am I afraid to dance, I who love music and
ryhthm and grace and song and laughter?
Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the
beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth
and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to Love, I who love love?"

Eugene O'neil
The Great God Brown

Commercial Drive. Did anyone ever know how much I hated this place? How much I despised and loathed all of it. You knew I loved it, but did you really know that I hated it more than any other place in the earth. Heck, I thought I was done with it. It was like an old photograph, in that it found it's beauty in it's character and grime; It's life in it's nooks and crannies and down the alleys you never should go. The sky was beautiful, hell...the people were all gorgeous. All the while something so ugly, so hideous had tainted my own love for Vancouver. Now before I go any further I must say that I really do love this city, more than any I've been to...now continuing.

My crappy pride. My terrible evil inner self that caused me to be such a bratty child, all the while I would attempt to present myself as calm and composed. Have you ever seen a bratty child try to act grown up? It's a little cute and well-intentioned but all the while a ridiculous scene that never ends with maturity. I hated that I was not a good person there. I hate that some have considered me to be abusively angry and at times for no reason I would just be so mad, so mad. I know it seems silly, but I really can be that mad...at myself. You see it's all because of pride that I forget things that I love. I love to watch life happen, yet I'm afraid to live it. I love love, yet I fear and hide from it more than anything or anyone I know. I just didn't understand the concept of love.

So recently, I went back to something else biblical I didn't quite understand. The severity of the cross, so I listened to one of the most graphic, insensitive, vile, no mercy sermon on it. I loved it. It was by a speaker named mark driscoll, and he delivered this speech at the reform and resurge conference in Seattle this past august. I think because all of my life the cross was this fluffy happy symbol churches gave to you. It was on all bibles, and ornate necklaces but I never really understood it. I never understood just how much pain he had to go through. Looking back, it forces me to see myself as just how selfish I'd been. So I started reading Luke, again, and this time I'm working through it slowly but surely. I've never really read the bible through a whole chapter so bare with me, this is new.



I've learned something though, if not it was drilled into head by my mom, my family, my friends, my job, my own brain---which overworks every stinking thing. As much as I hate this terrible evil crappy place known as Ohio, if god wants me here...that's where I'll be. Where we have the coldest winters, and the hottest summers. Where drinking and watching men fight to the death uniformly over a small bundle of mess wrapped in a sheeth of rubber is the most popular form of entertainment, and the fumes of an old factory makes you dizzy with anger at the polution we cause. I hate rubber town so much, that if god really wants me to stay here, than that will have to do. Heck if God wanted me to spend the rest of my life in an amazing city, or a polar ice cap, or even the dodgy side of london in the back alleys---SO BE IT.

Because I would hate it more if I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. In this spirit of travel...I applied for another school. This time you may have heard of it, although I hear they're getting a new building and moving a little down the road; you might have passed them at some point walking through Vancouver. They would walk the streets wearing funny aprons and spouting silly promises, or better yet, I think you've tried their soap. Yes, my friends I have applied to that fun city you all know I hate.

More specifically I talked to Mark, which took a lot out of me. I haven't written a blog about it, simply because I wasn't sure. I think I'm sure. I've tried to apply for other schools because I just wanted to go somewhere, anywhere. Drats though to that crappy mean bully of a god who wants me to go somewhere specific, who pushed me in the direction of a city I had never heard of in the first place (in a country with play money none the less). Then to top it all of he sends me back to Ohio, because I wasn't ready yet. Darn him, but I think he knows what he's doing. I'm trying here, to see the plus side to it all. Ohio isn't a terrible place, I think people even move here because it isn't. We have great produce, and culture in our cities. We have an abundance of resources to dabble in, and places to create our dreams. Heck, Akron invented Purell, Instant Oatmeal, the first breakfast cereal, and the first graded school system among others. Alchoholics Anonymous originated here! That means Ohio was the first group of people to try and get help, so maybe it is a place for the refugees of life. Come and deal with your problems, before moving on and such.

Then after the first time I tried to post this message I get a post card from someone in San Fransisco, suggesting I apply to their January DTS. Go Figure. Like I really need anymore help second guessing myself, come on. Honestly! HONESTLY, GOD---you bully!

I want this Vancouver school to happen, key words though: I want. If it doesn't happen, I will wait, because I'm the only one who can make myself wait. A few things need some prayer though, first---It will need more students for a school in January (which they're are currently one other than me that I know of in both Vancouver and San Francisco) and secondly I will have to pull the funds and make it happen. I need God's help in this though, because I just can't have someone donating me a 1000 dollars at the last minute despite they're good intentions when it isn't supposed to happen. It's like the first picture I took in this post, where the statue is holding on to the water and it's just slipping through her hands. You don't try to grab water. You can help it a little though, to get where it needs to go. God will have to make it happen, and I've give that up to him. I'm just going to wait at the stop sign until then. So Hey God, won't you be my traffic light? Heck, why not drive the car, I'll just take a nap now.

Word of the Day - Clemency

Clemency is an associated term, meaning the lessening of the penalty of the crime without forgiving the crime itself. The act of clemency is a reprieve. Today, pardons and reprieves are granted in many countries when individuals have demonstrated that they have fulfilled their debt to society, or are otherwise deserving (in the opinion of the pardoning official) of a pardon or reprieve. Pardons are sometimes offered to persons who, it is claimed, have been wrongfully convicted. However, accepting such a pardon implicitly constitutes an admission of guilt, so in some cases the offer is refused.

Keep Looking Up

Sometimes we have so many different stories to tell that they roll over into other things. In this case I've created a food blog...and it's THIS BIG as the lady claims.

Check it out sometime, I should update it once a week for now.

http://imnotafoodie.blogspot.com

Cookies Remix, and an Introduction of Sorts.

Not Only Have I had multiple starts at this, I never in fact expected to start this. So here it is, and with the first requested recipe. I read too many freaking food blogs, and I just have to put forward and try. If you want a little more info on my just look to the side and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for at this time.

Now for the meat of this start, although there isn't really any meat involved.

The truth about this recipe is that I hated making it to start with, as it came from epicurious.com and was quite evil and incomplete. It was really a risk because I needed something to serve that had something to do with the scots. See, these are just basically chocolate oatmeal shortbread cookies. However, they use Steel-cut scottish oats. The first time I made these it turned out perfect, and formed just fine. I was forced to do a presentation with someone I didn't really trust to work with so I figured I could blind people with food. It conveniently worked. The second time they took 30 minutes longer to finish, and turned out cakey and bitter (surprising as they have no eggs in them). I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I did wrong.

So I set the stupid evil recipe on the shelf and hopefully would never have to look back.

Unfortunately though, it just bothered me I had screwed it up so bad. So I adjusted the recipe, and I tried to add moisture to what has to be the world's most freaking crumbly dough without actually breaking down it's delicate chemistry.I added one teaspoon of milk, that's all. They spread like the fat lady who sings at the end of everything over a child's chair. They tasted good still, but it just...something was wrong. Truth is they flew off the plate regardless, so I figured it was worth trying out.


I mean...it just looks to good to resist using these good ingredients. I use a good quality dark chocolate chip or just hack at a bar of high cocoa chocolate. Speaking of which, when I was in Vancouver I just used Frye's Cocoa, which I think is a good all purpose cocoa for baking. Now in Rubber City we have lots of Amish near us, and a large dutch population So I just stick to a good quality Dutch-Processed Cocoa.

"Dutch process chocolate is chocolate that has been treated with an alkalizing agent to modify its color and give it a more mild flavor. It forms the basis for much of modern chocolate candy. It is used in ice cream, beverages, and baking. The development of the Dutch process by Dutch chocolate maker Coenraad Johannes van Houten, along with his development of the method of removing fat from cacao beans by hydraulic press around 1828, formed the basis for cocoa powder and simplified chocolate culture"

DO NOT USE HERSHEY'S...EVER.

Sorry, the red mist got in the way.

Now, It wasn't until I was at my sister's house though that I really figured how to get the cookies to form. I started with the oats (which came out like pellets) and soaked them in cold water for about an hour or so. Other than that I found if I compacted them (see diagram below) that I could get the tight balls I wanted. It's really quite fun, and could easily make these with other people.

It worked! They looked pretty and were great (see above) and were like I remembered. They are also a quick recipe to make once you get a hang of it, but you only need one cookie or so as they aren't light on calories. These are the cookies for chocolate lovers and whenever I can I use a dark chocolate bar and chop it instead of the chips. If you give these a spin give me a comment. This is my first recipe ever posted, anywhere. I will say thought that I have slightly adjusted these every time, each time just a little bit more oats (I like them oaty =D) and make sure you watch them like a hawk as they will quickly burn.

Chocolate Oaties

1 cup all purpose flour 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 3/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 tsp. Vanilla Extract (or Vanilla Bean Paste) 1/2 tsp. Almond Emulsion (optional; can use Almond Extract instead) 1/4 cup Steel Cut Oats ( soaked in cold water for about 45 minutes then drained) 1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips 1/3 cup Chopped Raisins (optional)

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a Jelly Roll Pan with parchment paper. Whisk Flour, Baking Soda, Salt, and Cocoa in a medium size bowl and set to the side. Now take your room temperature butter and cut it into small pieces and using a nonstick spatula abuse the heck out of the butter until has a slightly creamer consistency, add the sugar, vanilla, and almond emulsion (optional) and continue the abuse until it's relatively fluffy. (You could use a mixer, but why miss out on the fun?) Add flour mixture and beat until it starts to darken, this dough is very dark. Mix in oats with that spatula until evenly distributed (dough will be crumbly but if you squeeze a small piece of it it should hold together like good snow). Add chocolate chips (and raisins if you have them) and mix the best you can. Using lightly floured palms, shape 1 generous tablespoon dough into ball. Then flatten slightly and knead into a small patty. The dought should stick together, but it may crumble a little even after you put it on the pan, that is okay! through the crumbs back into the bowl to get in on the rest of the action. Place on the jelly roll sheet; repeate with remaining dough, spacing rounds about 2 inches apart. Bake cookies until center is slightly firm and top is cracked, about 14 minutes. Cool on sheet.

The Inside Tip: Old-fashioned oats have been cut, steamed, and flattened with large rollers. Steel-cut oats are not as highly processed and look like tiny pellets. They produce a more al dente result. they look a bit like bird seed in the store and are also known as coarse-cut oats, pinhead oats, Scotch oats, and Irish oats. Many people feel that the Steel-cut oats provide better flavour than rolled oats due to the lack of preprocessing. Usually due to the fact that they are not preprocessed then dried, Steel-cut oats are often packaged in a vacuum tight container (like a coffee can) to seal in freshness, but sometimes in bulk stores.

If you absolutely cannot find them anywhere, you can use regular old-fashioned (not instant oats) just skimp out on the soaking and adjust to your tastes. It will not be the same cookie, but I never said it wasn't just as intriguingly rich in flavor.

Makes 12-16 Cookies (and goes great with coffee).

Decatur, or , round of applause for your stepmother!

Yes, those are soybeans, yes I take all of these pictures, and no I do not know what decatur means...

thus.

WORD OF THE MOMENT:

Decatur - Decatur is the name of several places in the United States. Most, if not all, are named for Stephen Decatur, U.S. naval officer, known for his exploits at Tripoli against the Barbary Pirates and the toast "Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations, may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong," often shortened to "My country, right or wrong".

Sorry you haven't heard from me in a bit, a lot of different things have happened, but I really want to wrap up my projects for midterms (and waiting on a little bit more info for something) before I really dish. Yes, I hate that last word, but it's appropriate...blame the smiley beast.

Minature Disasters

Crashing into someone else is the most indescribable feeling in the entire world...and I've had it happen, what? Three times now? When it happens, as you run right into the other person...and you hear the metals crashing, breaks screeching, everything stopping at that very second. Then for just a small second, the world stops. When it starts again your mind is going faster than your car before it happened, your brain is plotting out your next move, you cry, you go nuts, and then you stop again.

Wait.

...and then it's right back in there with the clearest head you can imagine. You have a course of action, you have a plan, a story, and a split second of the truth all rushing through. It wasn't until I was in the Police car that I couldn't help but hold back the laughter. All these minature disasters, you'd think they'd be the death of me. Too bad when they really come after me, it's like they wake up the fire. I have a plan, and that plan is to not make plans. It's to have ideas, pursue all of them, and hold onto the one that gives. I---for the third time in two years of having my liscense, have totaled my car---and I am more than fine. I'm alive.

My work was praying for me, my family was praying for me, and who says prayer doesn't work.

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps."

-Proverbs 16:9

Good God Jesus, if you need my attention God all you had to do is ask. I took my first step backwards today, both literally and figuratively. I talked to my pastor today, finally. I told her my story; it wasn't perfect but the world kept turning. Afterwords I had some time to myself, I watched a great movie about changing things while you still can. It's a horribly cheesy movie with lots of bad eighties moments but the chick is hot and it makes me smile. It reminded me of a few things; to remember I loved running. that amazing feeling of not being able to catch your breath, knowing god is there holding you up by your strings.

The verse is from a crazy little Korean, I danced in the darken streets today just a few minutes ago. Crazy things we do when we're doing better.

EDIT: I actually did have the accident on wednesday morning, I just wasn't sure how to write it without sounding all angst-child. =P

No More Keeping My Feet on the Ground

There is an odd process and ritual to the way I do things. When I write a blog, I always find one song first to suit the entry. When I watch a movie, I always get the chocolate, then the popcorn, then the drink...in that order. We are creatures of habit are we not? So do when we do bad things is it out of habit, out of ritual?

So I thought today I'd change things up.

Today is a challenge, to force yourself not to do something you know you shouldn't do. Today is the challenge to stop keeping your feet on the ground.

Maybe it's just the time to stop ordering that grande 2% carmel macciato, doubleshot, heavy on the carmel or something random like that. Maybe today, you won't be late. Maybe today you'll make breakfast instead of leaving it up to the deep freeze at your local place where the caffiene resides. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something new about yourself.

Maybe today. Hell, why not today? Right?

The View From the Afternoon.

NOTE: At one point when I was mulling over what to say in this post, I initially had a lot to say...but I decided it against that same post I had originally thought.

So here's the revised version of my thoughts!

The past week I spent a good amount of time wandering about Akron. When you live so close to it but never actually take a time out to look at it, you would forget this place is still essentially a city. Full-fledged baby city, complete with homeless people and a good healthy amount of broken businesses and equally broken buildings. I took this time out because I wanted to see if there was something worth investing in this city. Is it worth my time and effort. On that front I haven't decided, but I did decide to explore it further. Specifically I am exploring our Ethnic Offerings.

Now anywhere in Akron you can find a cheap Chinese takeout place, that much is true, but what about the other Asian offerings. I was determined so to speak. In my exploration though I headed off slightly north, where I find the ONLY Korean restaurant south of Cleveland and North of Columbus...it makes me sad. You just can't find the good Kimchee I require for sustenance. Speaking of which I've been contemplating buying a giant jar for a while now to last me a bit. I saw it at walmart and nearly passed out. I remember seeing it and just standing there staring for a good ten minutes, scaring small children in the process. I mean I can't find it at a lot of Asian food stores here and then I go to Wall-mart of all places. Twisted Reality, man. If you care very little about food I have formated this differently so you can skip down to the rest of the entry.

Seoule Garden - As the only Korean Food Source within an hour of Campus, this one very small and slightly out of the way establishment is known to every Korean International Student on Campus (one of the ways I found this out) and resides in the Under tapped Ethnic Resources of Cuyahoga Falls. When you enter you hear what can only be known as the fluffiest music in the world and are visually attacked by the contrasting bright stickers serving to brgin the only real color to a very dull interior all the while advertising various dishes in Korean and English. Prices are as can be expected from a minority in ethnic food, but from what I've seen will get you a lot either way.

Initially I didn't have the most positive reaction to this place. I had visited it a first time ordering a lunch special (which was fine, but rather minimal) and was treated to sitting in a very empty room with a very lonely Korean man lacking true English skills. The second visit (which is usually where the cracks are seen more visibly when visiting a restaurant) was actually what made this a good place to visit. There were people there! *gasp*ed! I was shocked but not really, and you could tell the owners where in an infinitely better mood. This time around though I strayed away from easy for American fare and delved into the more traditional bits.

WARNING...VERY FOOD CRITIC-ish FROM HERE ON.

I was ordering for two but was still shocked at the amount of food. I had ordered relatively basic dishes, one of which came with sides (five kinds of kimchee!) for two people. The first dish---Bibim bahp or Mixed Rice Dish---consisted of a base of rice and a generous heaping amount of hot pepper paste (the Korean ketchup, yay for spiciness) and topped with a melody of bahnchans (prepared veggies and sometimes meat and tofu, in this one meat) all of this is topped with either a large fried egg or an egg that is scrambled, cooked paper thing and julienned. Personally I require the Fried Egg because it's the mixed yolk that really gives this dish it's signature texture.

I felt with this dish you could see that the cooks, two very straight-faced korean women ( I think mother and daughter) really put a lot of work to make use of what's available in the Ohio area. The banchans were well seasoned and each added a new depth of flavor. Most you would expect (Zucchini, Carrots, Soybean Sprouts, mushrooms, kimchee, and others I don't remember) but there was also a twiggy looking brown thing (which was surprisingly good) that I haven't seen in this dish before. Apparently this root only grows in Korea and is usually picked by wandering old ladies on their daily walks to use in everyday food, in America's case it is dried and shipped. This reconstituted root had some tooth and fibrous texture to it, and I felt it helped give an unsually earthy (yet still pleasant) undertone to the whole dish. As a whole when I ordered this it was like I was no longer the annoying American and the owner seemed to perk up. Flavor was magnificent, if I haven't mentioned that, especially the fried egg which was heavenly fried with added sesame.

The second dish was Tak Bulgogki (Chicken!) and came with sides which are typical when ordering in at restaurants. In this case I had asked for extra kimchee the owner promptly gave me a good amount of every kimchee offering he had available (radish, something else rooty, cucumber ---also called Oi, traditional, and I think...onion) as well as a fish-flavored tempeh (texurized soy protein). After much debate I decided I like the Radish Kimchee and it's sweet flavor. As for the dish, seasoned and barbecued chicken with extra peppers and spices in an almost barbecue sauce wasn't as sweet as I'm use to, but that may be due to a fact I've eaten dumbed down Korean when it came to Bulgogki. It was flavorful, yet not too much, still though it was worth the higher cost and very filling (enough for two easy) I could see myself eating this again.

The overall experience was a very positive one, with a more warm reaction and the chance to watch those crazy koreans interact in such an animated matter while they eat, I would do this again. It's amazing how it seems all Koreans need to feel at home is food and a good conversation, just watching them alone was worth the cultural experience. Just stay away from the lunch specials.

Total Price for Two (and my dinner as well) = $17.83

Seoul Garden Korean Restaurant

2559 State Rd
Cuyahoga Falls, OH 44223
(330) 929-9971

Oh dear god I think I just reviewed a restaurant...there is no hope for me. I had another review, but I think I'll save that for later and get back to life. I've been wandering about a bit really, religiously and I promise that isn't as bad as it sounds. It means, in short that I have been re-evaluated what I knew about God and the bible. I found I was annoyed at a recording simply because I disagreed with the fact that he put so much faith in the bible as word...yes I did just say that. I was shocked with myself. "What the hell was I thinking?" was the phrase of the day after that. No worries, it was a temporary lack in judgement and I'm trying to remedy this by reading more of the word. Again I am attempting to work my way through Luke, albeit slowly, but surely.

I'm still thinking about doing a DTS, but was wondering what it would be like to go to a truly different country. One where I would never have to cook, but the food would always be different. On top of that I have found one of the nicest Korean food stores in Ohio, which was both well-stocked and well maintained by a very nice man. A nice man who is introducing me to what can only be worded as a Korean Language School (which I am still hunting for in Akron, he gave me directions but I need to ask again) and I think it's something I want to do. I've wanted to learn another language for a while, and I know this may be it. Pray for me with this, please?

I think sometimes when you have so much to do and so much on your mind you forget to really tell about the dulldrum every day things. Such as...I like my job (starbucks) . Despite the fact I work for the man, I am very well taken care of at work. I hope that I start getting longer hours and more hours training with advanced training because I just don't want to sit around. Sometimes I seem a bit too determined but after having six jobs in two years when you sit down and work you don't stand for holdrum standards of life.

For those who don't know, I am in one class, and it's a doozy. Anatomical Life Drawing, where lots of flesh is not to be seen is seen in full view. I thought this class would be so hard but when you just sit down and draw it like anything else you start to really enjoy it. It's so much more than drawing still life, because you get to search for things in the model. I wonder, what's her story, where does her emotions lie, is she cold? I've done some surprisingly good drawings too, and almost wish I could do more...and that can't be a bad thing when it comes to art, now is it. Yes I am drawing FULL LIVE NUDES (wonder if those will get my some search engine hits) but they are just people in their rawest form. Nothing hidden, nothing sacred.

All in all, I'm in a better attitude than I've been in. I'm a little frazzled because Christmas isn't far away, and a year ago last christmas I was coming home as a failure. I will have been home a year and not gone very far or even where I thought I would go. I hope though, that maybe I can enjoy this coming year just a little bit more.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." - Deutoronomy 7:9

Edit: No Word of the day, it was going to be Existential, but everytime I tried to post it HTML errors would appear

Throw Me a Rope

I owe a post. I also owe my apologies to the world of bloggers for treating the blogosphere as if they were my own personal audience. Truth be told a lot of what I write is just mental diahrehea. When you least expect is you just have to put it somewhere.

So I wasn't accepted into a school. It's been done before, it's all happened and I've been through that. I've dealt with rejection all of my life. So why the heck was it harder this time? Well, truth be told it wasn't rejection. It was oddly an acknowledgment of understanding. See the director has spoken with Randy before about me, and with Mark. The school did above and beyond an outstanding job of respecting my individual case. In the letter, which I won't post here, but if anyone wanted to see it just ask me ( It's just a letter like any other) They told me that It wasn't the right school for me. I could go the route of saying---"Well how the heck do you know what school is right for me, huh...punk!"---but really that wouldn't be realistic an it would have a simple answer. They don't know what school is right for me, they just know they aren't it. They understand what they as a school need to really make the school successful and build people up into missions, and they want to do that through missions---head first style, and to respect what they know and trust is all I can do.

I wanted to go to Montreal so much. What I want, unfortunately isn't always for the best. People don't know what they want, they rarely know what they think they need.

I was people watching today. Because...well I had nothing better to do, and well, I like people. Now the funny thing about people watching is you usually do your best when you least realize it. You notice things about people, and the way they interact. For example, I bought running shoes today---finally. I've been in the store before but I never seen this particular salesmen before, he was an oddball really. He comes up to me and right away I notice he has this accent...I just couldn't place it. He continues to talk, and chat. He knows a lot about shoes. In fact I'd go as far as to say he truly respects shoes as much as people. I had come in thinking I knew what I wanted and he got me something else. Usually this is just the sign of a good sell, but I felt like I could trust the guy. He was training today, and when you're watching people interact with new people it becomes a real show. Mate (his name...which I forgot but later added in here =D) had this amazing ability to adapt to people. He would speak with someone for a minute and then he would just sort of know how to tell them something. Everyone was different. All the while my curiosity with accents was kicking me to ask. Eventually I did. He was from Hungary! I shouldn't exclaim that but that was the last place I expected.

Foreign People make my day.

Later I had stopped by Borders to say hello to Melissa (old friend who is old but not really) and decided to sit an try and finish my tea passport for starbucks in one sitting. I was determined, but was distracted by the wandering children in the store. See there was something off about this one very vocal little girl, she was wondering around as if the store was her castle. I was waiting for her to declare my kingdom for a scone, when I realized she was from the united kingdom. She reminded me so much of Lola from "Charlie and Lola" that it was just uncanny.

Again I say, foreign people make my day. Especially when they are five and they have the confidence of a hardened war general.

EDIT: Just a note, I actually try to write her quite often...but I don't publish all of them. Some I just write as mental notes and such which would read something like.

"You must wake up early tommorrow and write letters, finish the draft for the artist pages, bake scones, be abducted by aliens, etc."

Others I save until I can go back and finish them and sort of tone them down a bit. Like Today's Blog (Posted September 5, 2006 ---hey what can I say it's been busy.


Word of the Moment!

Viscous vis·cous (vĭs'kəs)
adj.

1. Having relatively high resistance to flow.
2. Viscid; sticky.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Late Latin viscōsus. See viscose.]

viscously vis'cous·ly adv.
viscousness vis'cous·ness n.

Everybody is Someone

I was as of today officially not accepted into the Montreal Urban Cultures Discipleship Training School. I'll make another post later with what I think on this, but I'm not quite sure of that at the moment.

...I'm okay so far though. Just to make this a little less than not cheery, I give you the word of the moment.

corroborate \kuh-ROB-uh-rayt\, transitive verb:
To strengthen or make more certain with other evidence.

Whenever I can, I interview family and friends extensively both to corroborate the history given me by the defendant and to gain insight into his behavior and personality.
-- Barbara R. Kirwin, Ph.D., The Mad, the Bad, and the Innocent: The Criminal Mind on Trial

He said that when the jurors confronted discrepancies in any of the prosecution witnesses' descriptions, they used the testimony of other prosecution witnesses to corroborate the chronology.
-- "Most Jurors Thought Schwarz Aided Attack, Foreman Says", New York Times, August 2, 2002

As we have no public notoriety, no concurrent testimony, no records to support and corroborate what we deliver, it becomes us to keep within the limits not only of possibility, but of probability too.
-- Henry Fielding, The History of Tom Jones

Joggin' Gorgeous Summer

I held it in my hand. On the cover page there was a stain, and on others --- the marks of a long day's coffee. It consisted of only a few pages, but I held off for so long. It's light and simple, and just looking at it you wouldn't know it had the most intricate and intimate details of my life tucked neatly inside of it's tattered stocked pages. I was scared really, of trying again. Here I sit with my happy tripped out music (The Islands) and think that maybe, just maybe everything will work out in the end. Either that or I just had too much Raspberry Fudge Swirl. Either way, it's on it's way now and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

...and now for the grand word of the day!

surreptitious \suhr-uhp-TISH-uhs; suh-rep-\, adjective:
1. Done, made, or gotten by stealth.
2. Acting with or marked by stealth.

The monitoring is not surreptitious; on the contrary, the defendant and his or her attorney are required to be given notice of the government's listening activities.
-- John Ashcroft, "National Security; Prevention of Acts of Violence and Terrorism", Federal Register 66, no. 211, October 26, 2001

While men's appetites are driven by availability, women's are often driven by cravings. A dab of chocolate here, a pinch of sugar there, and some surreptitious
-- Wendy Hubbert, "The skinny on male/female dieting", Redbook, October 1, 2001 midnight Dairy Queen runs lurk behind a woman's oh-so-virtuous bran breakfast, salad lunch, and grilled fish dinner.

Now she made a surreptitious glance toward the doorway into the hall.
-- Naeem Murr, The Boy

Blueberry Boat.

...and today's word of the day is: Scuttlebutt

The nautical term Scuttlebutt originally (and still) means a water fountain or water cask on a ship. However, it is now more commonly used as slang for "information" or "gossip".

The cask of drinking water on ships was called a scuttlebutt and since Sailors exchanged gossip when they gathered at the scuttlebutt for a drink of water, scuttlebutt became U.S. Navy slang for gossip or rumors. A butt was a wooden cask which held water or other liquids; to scuttle is to drill a hole, as for tapping a cask.

How's that for the real "scuttlebutt" of the world, eh? Yeah...Off to the post to do important post-y type things!

Oh, and I have a job.

I miss you.

It's been really hard to get started this week. As some of you know, monday I had to say goodbye to a dear friend. My cat Max. We weren't exactly sure how old he was becuase we adopted him from the street, his estimated age is somewhere between thirteen to seventeen years of age (which is quite long for cats I suppose). This is the same cat who no matter how you treated him just wanted loved. I loved that about him, he just didn't care, but thrived when people gave him the time of day.

On his last day...Max had multiple tumors in his system. Three that we knew of, in his gums face and stomach. He had his eye removed earlier and it caused him to go blind in his other eye, we believe with one eye removed it just released cancer into his system. After he went blind, the first few nights he came home he just made this sad sound. It was like he was asking where everyone is, and it got more deperate and frantic, until someone would pick him up. We should have let him go at that moment, but we loved this cat too much. On his final day, you knew he was ready. He just lie there on the counter.

We buried him in between all of the rain on monday...and I truly miss him. I have a lot more to talk about, but I'll save that for another time alright? This blog is now again officially active, as I had to return my computer, with reasons to come soon.

The Festival was amazing...

Until I came home. =P Honestly.

I will have a big update soon, I've been at my sisters too so this is my first day officially back. Today, was a much longer day than it had to be for me.

Let's try again tommorrow shall we?

Stupid Monkeys.

OKAY.

I am a bit irritated, mind you that isn't anything new, but I would really like to have my computer back and working because I really wanna play around with the layout for this more.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS.

I'm doing something next week, well it's not final, but it's something. I'll be volunteering at the local christian music festival...ALIVE. Riveting title eh, well their site ( www.alive.org ) has all the info, and three of my favorite christian bands are playing (David Crowder, The Afters, and Sanctus Real) and, well I dunno it's chance to be with people who won't hate me or look down on me because I'm christian. It's a chance to be in just a step above my normal everyday spectrum of unusual people. I've been feeling off I think for the reason that I have little interaction with churches at the moment or christians of any sort. Except for Choir Practice and Sunday, I rarely do anything christianish and I miss that

...and I made biscotti! They turned out great. =D That and I decided to just keep both of the blogs in this account for now.

Oddly enough "Dead Like Me" makes me smile these days. I think for a show that has so much heaped in profanity it actually tries to look and do something others dare not touch. Plus it does it with a good jab to your side to make you laugh at something that normally brings tears. I respect that about it.