Food for those who don't like food.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Last Hurrah, or Goodbye Ohio Seeya Later.

Well. I agree with one thing I keep hearing from people. It seems like forever when you're waiting, but when you get there it's almost too soon. First I hung up my deli apron and cap back in august, then my familiar green apron was put to rest last wednesday...and now. I have about an hour until one of the longest waited flights of my life.
At this point people have stopped asking what I'm doing going to Canada for four months followed by two in an unspecified country. No, by this point they just ask if I'm scared. To which I have concocted a rather resounding answer of: 'yeah, sure as hell I'm scared---but I'm a thousand times more excited as to what god will do next'.
It's almost surreal at this point. I slept last sometime on saturday at this point and the wafting scent of my neighbors arbys breakfast crossiant is both nauseating and delectable all in one fell swoop. I haven't flown in such a long time, and you can tell by how ridiculous I packed. The only comfort is the fact that My mom made my recipe for Banana Bread (affectionately called Dirty Chunky Monkey Loaf), which will meet its swift fate from my coat pocket...the minute I finish this. Every few minutes, there is a very unenthusiastic voice reminding me that we are now firmly in the orange. Oh, how I love national security and their paranoia of toothpaste.
To aid all the sorts of disenergized, the collective group behind is speaking korean. I only know this because she asked her daughter if she was still hungry...the fact I know this makes me glow a little at my very limited korean vocabulary. Now the person to my right started speaking a very loud russian. Such Internationals in Akron, Ohio. Ah, I best be off...this entry is really going nowhere, except for toothpaste which gets its own tag.
I'm coming Vancouver.
Goodbye, Akron...I'll see you another day, another time.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

One Step.

Now what?

Is the most hated question to ever grace my ears. Upon hearing it I am instantly sent into a tizzy of squirms and fits. Now most of these are internal but if you were to look closely, you may just see me twitch.

Now what, though?"
For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. 12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. 14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. 16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.

Ezekial 34: 11-16
"If there is one thing that I know is true", is that he will love me as he always does whatever happens, but is it wrong for that not to be enough right now, right at this moment? I am more stressed than I remember being stressed in a long time.

The truth is I need prayer. Not just normal prayer, atomic super duper prayer. Tomorrow, I have to present to my church a proposition. I have to go in front, where I hate to go, and tell them I am called to missions whatever the heck that means, and pull out all bells and whistles so they know I am not one of the crazy ones.

But really...I am one of the crazy ones!

I have been know to stare at people freakishly, analyzing them--- imagining their stories as they go about life. I have a ridiculous passion for food, and an ambitious approach to trying everything I can in my life, learning through food the traditions and history of a culture. I hate people---yet I love people more than anything and would have my heart broken on a daily basis when I lived in Vancouver. I am mean! It's true, abusive almost, explosively...but only out of frustration at god.

Frustration at god that I know above all now is the time to go back. Now is the time to approach everything I have been running from or trying to internalize and make it a me and god thing, when really I need to make it more real, more tangible. Frustrated with god about my finances, when he could easily just give me all the money I need.

So what do I need...first, I need prayer.

I need a lot still, a little over a third. Around Two thousand dollars, but that is budgeting no money for spending money (something I would like but not a big problem). I also need supporters who can commit to helping me pay my school loan interest payments monthly. I need supporters who can commit to praying for me. I need support to help pay for health care and insurance. I need supporters who can pray for my mental stability as being stretched like this is driving me crazy...yet driving me somewhere at least. I need a backpack still for outreach. I need the support of my friends, yes you non-christian crazies whom I love so much.

I need people to have my back so I won't fall so hard when I do fall.

Most of all I need to do this.