Did you ever have that feeling that you're fly is down? Egg in your face? Toilet paper on your foot...even when absolutely nothing was wrong.
It's quite irritating.
It also accurately describes my ability to interact socially. Imagine this feeling every time you talk. You start off thinking you know what you know, but in the end you are just so unsure of why you said what you said in the first place that you don't even want to finish. All the while people are too nice to tell you that there is an enormous snot slug hanging from your left nostril. Ah, that and they forgot to pay attention to a word you were saying.
Maybe I'm just a little slow, but someday somewhere somehow, I will learn to shut my trap.
Food for those who don't like food.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Did you ever have that feeling that you're fly is down? Egg in your face? Toilet paper on your foot...even when absolutely nothing was wrong.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Recently I spent sometime in the project, and honestly I couldn't think of anything better than a camera and a few eclectic residents to get you thinking. Like this one girl, I didn't get her name but as soon as my and my friend pulled our camera's out she hollered out the window. She wanted us to take her picture!
It was rare.
Usually if I pull out a camera I get a select few reactions.
A - No pictures! No pictures! *smothers*
B - PEDOPHILIA! *insert screaming mother*
C - *insert a long string of profanity and a swinging bat...true story*
Yet here's this girl, just looking her best. Fixing her hair, strutting her stuff. No real bad intentions, she just wanted someone to capture her big smile. What does it take to get people to be that open, though?
Thinking about it, this openness is really lacking in our world. You think you're open until you realize you aren't. Hell, I thought I was open to a couple things. Honestly though...somethings in life you think you were always ready for; some things you have to prepare yourself for; and some things...no amount of preparation would ever help.
I am talking solely about the latter at this point, and last friday I had my first real date...and quite possibly my last ever. This is all strictly off the record by the way.
The set up: not only classic, it was downright surreal. It all started with a simple seat arrangement. I had been asked to move tables to give room to someone with a larger project and a need for space. Moving to the only available space sat me next to her. Now she was essentially an interest to start with, conveniantly placed in my class we would flirt occasionally, but it was all just harmless, witless banter.
Cue the catalyst: unnamed to protect his identity, this large jolly fellow has a solid grip on his surroundings.
an exaggeration has been made with this dialogue for dramatic effect. In reality the catalyst is a real mumbler.
"What's wrong, man!" I respond.
"I have two tickets to see this magnificently wonderful show known as RENT (all rights reserved), but alas I cannot attend. What dismay has this world brought unto me?"
"Good Golly Grief man! Pull yourself together!"
"But...way off off broadway calls!"
"I have a solution!"
Enter the girl.
"I'll take them!" she says suavely, swooping in quick successive seconds to snatch the singing show's stubs.
*GASP*ed. Our gentlemanly ways were shocked by her forwardness.
"But I must attend in this kind fellow's honor!"
"Well...she might have plans" suggests the jolly man catalyst.
"I do...Do ya wanna?" She offers.
So one little date won't hurt right?
I told myself something along these lines over and over, but really the shear akwardness of the whole thing still makes my ears ring. I guess I was just infatuated with the idea of going on a date, and less so with my actual date. Not to downplay her beauty, she is quite the looker if I do say so myself.
It started off bad. Her "mom was in town and she didn't know if she could make it, she promised her mom she would meet her for lunch" which turned into "dinner", so there goes all of that small talk. Then she doesn't think she can make it, so I have to drive from work to pick up my ticket for a musical. We wouldn't want these tickets to go to waste right? So by the time I get home I reek of coffee and sweat and want to just...give up. But despite my tardiness I still try to make it. So now I look bad, because she decides to call and tell me she's gonna wait by the door for me. Forget the fact I am twenty minutes away and haven't even thought of parking.
Eight minutes left, I leave my ticket at my car in a parking area that's way off the path. Dashing back we make in the door to say the least. Our seat isn't on the first set so maybe it's up?
Not the second flight?
What about the last one...no really there's an elevator up to there?
Yeah, we went to see Rent. A musical that really is not to my tastes. It was showy and loud and we had quite possibly the worst seats in the house. Seats that I drove an extra hour and ran clear out of breath for. We hit intermission and there is no small talk, nothing. We have the lasting chemistry of water and oil. That's right, I ran to the bathroom because I felt like I had food poisoning and she ran to smoke as many cigarettes as humanly possible before they dragged her back in.
I didn't even know what to do afterwards, dinner, food, drinks? I'm not suave, I'm debonair, and most certainly am having intestinal malfunctions. So we just kind of part ways...
Somethings you really aren't ready for, dating for me is one of them. It's not just because I had a bad date. It's because when I do date, I want something to be there. I want to be able to understand the whole biblical side of it all. I want to not pursue something for entertainment purposes, but really put myself out there. Last thing I want to do is play with their heart. Right now, that's all me dating would be for me. God made women to have beautiful delicate hearts, I feel I should respect that for now.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I'm coming to Vancouver in September. I will be attending the Drive DTS. I will have a majority of my former classmates as staff members. On top of it all I have authority issues.
Hot Dang, what the hell am I doing? Holy freaking crap!
*INSERT LOUD EXPLETIVE HERE*
Holy hell, I'm doing it this time.
Must. Resist. Urge.
...To think too far ahead.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Have you ever really looked at the footnotes, voluntarily? In high school we dreaded footnotes our senior year because our evil term paper required it. The eleven years prior to that point, we were only asked to type up a simple (yet in reality entirely inaccurate) bibliography. So why now? Why must we bludge through the painstaking process of numbers and real sourcing!? Screw accuracy, score quotes, all sources are mine! Riot I tell you, RIOT!
Oh, how the times have changed.
Now...I kind of like reading the footnotes. They are like a long running commentary to help me really understand what I am reading, plus they usually lead me to something equally interesting to read. So I encourage you to read your footnotes! Mark it on your daily list, along with brushing your teeth, plotting world denomination, and fighting for a better pay! It will fit right in I tell you. So I present to you a first for this blog, a series---"Found in the Footnotes"
Taken From Sex God By Rob Bell "God Wears Lipstick" note 13.
"Recently I saw my friend Josh, who teaches fifth and sixth graders. He was preparing the lesson for that day and had his supplies with him: a large glass bowl, a can of beef, fatty tissue, sauerkraut, a jar of olives, some anchovies, and a hundred-dollar bill. I know---I was curious too. So I did exactly what you would have done. I asked him what his lesson was about. He replied, "I put all the ingredients in a bowl, including the money, and then I mix it together. then when it doesn't taste good, I pretend I'm going to throw it all away. At this point the kids go crazy, telling me not to. I ask them why I shouldn't, and they say, 'Because it's valuable.' And then I counter with, 'But it smells and it's disgusting.' At which point they rush to the front volunteering to reach into the bowl and pull out the hundred-dollar bill. Actually, I may have to start using a twenty for this lesson, because the last time I used a hundred, they trampled each other to get to the front. I then read to them from Genesis chapter one about how every single human being bears the image of God and how no matter what else is mixed in there, a person still has limitless worth in God's eyes."
Some days, I need little stories like this as a real reminder of what I should be doing in my daily interactions. Customer after Customer comes in daily, and all I seem to be able to do is judge them more and more each day. I had to actually walk into the back room the other day because I wanted to slap myself for what my mind was doing. I kept judging this frighteningly shrill and creaky woman who comes in every day and is just impossible. She is an older woman of an indiscernible age with small wisps of peroxide blond hair poking out in random places. Normally she is disheveled in an almost non functional way causing me to wonder what she actually does with the rest of her day, and her voice cracks and creaks like an old door scraping a rough floor. Regularly in at an early hour, every day she orders a coffee in a cup the size up, today I got it ready for her as she was walking to the counter. Smaller mistakes have been made, but the reaction wasn't a good signal to that. She accuses me of trying to sell her old coffee, so she changes her order: "I want two medium coffees in large cups". We pour her two fresh cups and she throws her hands up: "I won't drink stale coffee!" and she runs out the door. This isn't even the first time this happens, but she still comes in day after day. I've heard the people at work say they hate her, and that she's a ridiculous old bat. Truth is, I've thought the exact same things over and over. I want to hate her, but that's just too easy. There's got to be something behind it.
I want to understand. I really want to know what causes someone to get so frighteningly disconnected from reality, and to be able to care for her the best a barista/christian can and just maybe help her have a better day than the day before. I actually want to make a customer happy! Maybe I'm just trying to understand this concept: god loves equally, the diseased, the downtrodden, the depressed, the happy...or maybe I have just been there myself.
Disheveled, disconnected, and discontent with my surroundings. Those people we distance ourself from really aren't that far off when you think about it.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I stole this quiz from Audrey's blog, Then I saw it on Ryan's and Hilary's blogs...I've just been working loads of doubles at work. It is quite an interesting quiz, with multiple levels of differences and very in depth analysis of your personal observations. I don't agree with all of it but some of it I do. I mean, I have some sense of style right? RIGHT?
*punches the silent crowd vigorously*
here that is...
According to it, I am an observer. Something that if there was any standard truth in my life that was it. I watch everything around me. I am fascinated by the way things are put into their own force of gravity. Sometimes though, I feel like I'm just not there. That faded into the distance feeling. The other cool thing about this little quiz was that it tells you something you can do to change the way you work. Simple suggestions, such as I am an observer who needs to experience a little more and watch just a wee bit less.
For some odd reason this specific thing reminded me of the title character in a movie titled "Train Man"（でんしゃおとこ）. The main character being this ridiculously shy nerd who really just can't seem to function on the same level as everyone else. Sometimes I feel like that. It might just be a cultural thing, but it seems like he doesn't really have any incentive to change in his life. He's not in the best situation, but the daily routine to him seems comforting. It gets him by moving from day to day, but still just a going through the motions. At some point in the future maybe things will change, or push come to shove he could stay the same the rest of his life and not really feel much chagrin over the whole ordeal. From the opening scent though the first thing they make apparent is that this man is a watcher, he knows and understands reactions better than anyone else.
He notices the couples, who pass by on the train stop and the stories of romance he watches in privacy. All the while, he wants to stay the watcher as long as he can. It's easy, you can see it from the outside and walk away from it ready to continue your day. He even listens to an ipod, as he people watches, something I very much can relate with.
Then something changes him.
For the first time in his life, something takes over. Something drives him to become part of this player's act. I like you, train man. He tries to save a girl from being groped by a drunkard. He shuns common sense for an oh-so brief moment and dives in as a man! Only quickly to be pushed away. But he still did it, he acted as a player in his own theatrical production. Now See something else the quiz does get right is that as much as we crave personal interactions and relationships, real solid relationships...we're very much afraid of taking any sort of step. I say we refering to both me and train man as we understand each other foo'. We truly lack confidence and usually this is only because at somepoint in our life we have been so broken down that we always feel this need to try and prove ourselves. A fruitless effort really.
After the interaction in the movie though this crazy dude called Train man finds himself reaching out into empty space---the internet. He posts on a message board of his grand tales, he met the girl of his dreams and all he had to tell was his computer. Shorty after though he gets one response, and then two and then a hundred! The movie smartly focuses on the lives of six really distinct charcters though. Each of them has someone in their life that reminds them of train man. He turns instead from a random along man into a brother, a lover, a friend and son. They want him to succeed with all their life and guide him along his mistrials and adventures with the woman on the train.
Now when I first looked at the results I disagreed with the comment that I have trust in others. Then I remember some of the people I have encountered in my life, as well as the instances where I may have indulged into more than what they really wanted to know. Truth is I have a lot to say and once I start I go on and on and on...and on. I trust people a lot and this has been my downfall. I really do listen to what people say and respect their opinions, I want their opinions---to grow and learn. Everyone should also have the chance to have someone listen to their story. I remember the people on hastings who would light up just to be looked at. Who really just wanted someone to shut up and listen to their story.
Train man ends the movie with the idea that: "Yeah, I can move on now"; Feeling like you've watched someone grow into who they were meant to be. I kinda like that.
You can find out how I really did here, and see if you agree =D
Lies about style, all lies I'm stylish some days...